a colored spectrum

Mile High Club

Velvet on Saturday is THE place to be.
many old pilots. lotsa pretty young stewardesses. Airline Nite.
rub shoulders with the rich and flashy. ride the fast car. savour the bubbly.
the beautiful people abounty. the fantastic music. the gallons of poison. the dim light.
it's a feast of the senses. a revelation of the self. an opportunity to break free.

i wish that the nite never ends. i yearn for a party that goes on forever and ever.
an escape from the humdrums of Singaporean life.
i want to be forever young. let me stay pretty and sexy for the next 20 years.
like many of the older air crew last nite. gorgeous at 35. c'est la vie.
let me live, just once. but live a beautiful life.
a kiss under the electric stars. a kiss which stops a moment in time.

that's me. a die-hard romantic though i hardly admit it.
1 of the best thing i dream of achieving is being able to dance under the full moonlight with someone i lived life together with for the past 50 years.
feel the sand beneath our feet. sway to the rhythm of of Samba music.
thanking God for blessing him into my life.
my husband should in fact be my best friend.
there need not be passionate romantic love (but of course a certain extent of special feelings).
but more importantly, there should be a deep mutual understanding and acceptance.
a best friend is about being there for someone and loving him/her for who they already are.
there'll come a time where we can wake up with dark eye rings under our lids,
fart while brushing our teeth and not feel embarassed.
compromise in challenging times, supportive in hard times.

right now. i just want to watch fireflies with that someone. play the guitar and sing a song.
dance with him, feel his body warmth and kiss under the electric stars.
pray together at Church. oh, he must be able to carry an intelligent conversation with me.
intellect is very important. many guys can be very nice to you, but few can carry a conversation.
however sometimes, silence is golden.
it's not that we have nothing to say hence it feels uncomfortable.
some things don't have to be said explicitly.
it's a telepathic communication between the hearts. i know what you're feeling without you saying it.
i want to know that he's mine and feel secure.
i want to be there for someone who needs me and yet loves me.
i want to quarrel with someone and know that i'll still give in to him willingly in the end.
i want us to learn something new about each other everyday for the next 40 years.

lately, i've been admiring younger guys. guys who are younger than me.
yes, call me a cradle-snatcher.
okay, i'm not that old. i am just a month past 20.
i'm alwiz attracted to either 18 year olds or 28s. both.

18 year olds are cute, fresh and naive.
they look young and cute. refreshing to my aged senses. the youthfulness.
they have the energy to party the nite away and skip classes the next.
they have big dreams. they take risks of playing the punk kid.
their thoughts are naive and idealistic. it's a quality i admire and wish i possessed.
in them, you don't find harsh realities of life and mundane worries.
they're like young red wines. fresh, fruity and tart. very lively nuances.

28 year old are refined, stable and matured.
they look handsome and experienced.
they are slightly established in terms of career.
they are willing to commit and settle down to form a family.
their thoughts are matured and realistic. gives me a sense of security.
in them, you find love, care and sensitivity.
they're like vintage red wines. matured, mellow and rich.

of course, this above description doesn't apply in all cases.
it's the idealistic Veen speaking here. i chose to generalize cases.
as much as i say that i love money, i'm not hard up for it.
i'm still looking for the someone i can lean on when i am feeling weak;
to achieve goals with together by pooling our resources; for my future kids to call Father.
whether they are 18 or 28 year olds, i haven't met/found the right one yet.
coz i've found one already. not the best fit but the right fit. i'm contented.

last nite met quite a few interesting people at phuture. they're Liz's colleagues.
a well mannered and gracious Korean by the name of Jung.
a cute young 18 year old called Kevin, who uncanningly resembles Jared.
and Rey. a friend i've known for 9 years.
it was indeed a fun nite.

i'm a walking contradiction. or maybe not. depends on how u see it.
when i am clubbing, i don't like people to know that i'm attached.
even if i am going with Joshua. neither do i like him to follow me around.
it's not that i want to meet new people and get picked up.
rightly, i just need a breather. i want to be just me. ME.
i don't want people to know my 'marital' status in public spheres until they ask me.
i do not need people to introduce me as so-and-so's girlfriend. i don't like it.
especially in the working society, it is best to keep such status an unknown.
i want to establish a platonic business relationship with many of the people i meet,
and expand my network. i view such status and boyfriend intrusions a hindrance to my work.
simply, there should be a vague demarcation as to where my social and private life ends and begins. definitely there'll be overlapping regions but i try to minimize it as much as i can.
often, i feel that my social life son't really need to include my boyfriend.
i don't need the whole world to know that i am attached.
i just feel bloody uncomfortable with it.
coz people will ask you how's your boyfriend; how's the relationship going etc etc.
it's irritating. and when you break up, the whole world knows as well.
after my last bad experience, i choose to keep my relationship-status low key.
out of the prying eyes of the public.
but the bottom line is: i love him.

posted by Veen @ 23:55